Vampire Hunter D
by Lipton Lee
Summary: Darien Fawkes has found some interesting squaters at the office, so he calls in some old friends...


Category: Invisible Man/Angel/Buffy Crossover. VERY alt-Universe.  
  
Spoilers: Anything from any show is fair game, I don't really know what I wrote that would be spoiler-y.   
  
Rating: PG-13 for all the staking.   
  
Notes: Like I said, this Alt-Universe, and in the Buffy/Angel future, but it's present day for the I-Man cast.   
  
Disclaimer: The Buffy characters, The Angel characters, the I-Man cast, not mine. None of it. The gland is not mine. The Vampires, well, they don't have names, or personalities. The kids of the Scoobies.. .well, their first names are mine, but their last names are not. No money.  
  
Vampire Hunter D  
  
11 pm. San Diego, California. The Agency for Health and Human Services.   
  
Charlie Borden is our chief, our Official. He practically lives in his office. I rarely see him even leave his chair. But by almost midnight, you'd think he would have gone home.  
  
Now, you may be wondering what I was doing there so late.   
  
I… was chasing a vampire.  
  
If it sounds crazy, it is.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!"   
  
I ran down the hall with a sharp, wooden stake in hand, chasing a guy "on PCP." Screaming like a rabid animal was actually scaring him, which was cool.   
  
I ran past The Fat Man's office, still screaming. And I guess I startled him, too, because I heard the chair tip over.  
  
"FAWKES!!!!"   
  
I couldn't help it. I laughed. "Hey, Chief! What's up?!"   
  
"Me, obviously!" he yelled. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"Chasing a guy on PCP!" I replied.  
  
"What?!" He followed me around the corner, just as I staked the ugly son of a bitch I'd been chasing.   
  
"What, what?" I asked.  
  
"Where did that guy go?" he asked.  
  
I shoved the stake into the back of my pants. "Nowhere."  
  
"Fawkes…"  
  
"He got away," I said. "I'll have to go after him tomorrow night."  
  
The Official shook his head. "Fawkes, what did you put in your pants?"   
  
I sighed and pulled the stake out.   
  
"A stake?"   
  
I nodded.  
  
"What, were you chasing vampires?" he laughed.  
  
I paused for a moment, and then gave another nod.   
  
He laughed louder, this time from his gut. "Go home, Fawkes. You need sleep."  
  
"But-"  
  
"There are no such things as vampires."  
  
"But, Chief-"  
  
"Go home, Darien." With that, he turned and walked back into his office and slammed the door, muttering something like "Crazy, punk-assed kid."  
  
I sighed and turned to leave the building.  
"I'm telling you, Hobbes, it was a vampire," I said. I leaned down and picked some of the dust up off the floor. "Look at this."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"It's vampire dust."  
  
"Fawkes, it's just dust."  
  
"It's vampire dust. I just killed it last night."  
  
"You sure you didn't dream this?" Hobbes asked. "Maybe it's the gland?"  
  
"No! Ask the Fat Man, I was here last night!"  
  
"You feelin alright, my friend?" Hobbes said. "Maybe you should see the Keeper."  
  
"I'm not sick, Bobby," I snapped. I looked around. "This place is infested."  
  
"With what?" Hobbes asked, obviously frustrated.   
  
I sighed, and shook my head. "Never mind."   
I was fourteen. I remember that much. I was sitting in the middle of a circle made up of my friends in one of the twelve graveyards of Sunnydale, where my aunt and uncle lived. Where Kevin and I were sent after Mom was killed.   
  
Mercedes Harris, Beth Osbourne, Matt Giles, Devon Wyndham-Pryce, Shane Gunn, Mara Chase, and Sirri McMillon. A bunch of fighters, they were. Witches and slayers and warriors, and hunters, and researchers, and god-knows-what-else.   
  
They all had something special about them that helped them fight, and made them strong. I had nothing. I was the butt-monkey of the group, and they were sick of it.   
  
So they decided to do something about it.  
  
Sirri, who is a warrior now, was just a witch, at the time. Which was why she was doing the chanting.  
  
"I call upon the forces of darkness and light, of all the slayers that came before. I call upon their senses, and combine them in this vessel. Bind! Combine! Bind!"   
  
There was a flash of light, and I passed out.  
And that's how I know when there's a vampire around. It's like spider sense, or, at least, that's how Buffy always described it.   
  
It's up and running again. And along with the senses, comes the whole needing to hunt thing.   
  
See, slayers, they were designed to kill. Since I'm the vessel for the extra senses of every slayer who ever lived and died, well, the blood lust for the undead is just part of the package.   
  
So I made my way down to the very bottom level of the Agency, stake in hand, and began to snoop around.  
  
And all of the sudden, I couldn't sense them anymore.   
  
"Aw, crap." I sighed, and thought about waiting, but then decided not to, because I needed a counter-agent shot.  
  
So I walked up to the Keep, to find Claire, the Keeper of the Keep, in typical Claire fashion, standing over some test tubes.   
  
"Hey, Keep."  
  
She turned and smiled. "Hello, Darien. Bobby said you might be stopping by."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "I'm just here for the counteragent."  
  
"Oh," she said. "Alright, sit."  
  
I sat in the counteragent chair. "So, he told you, huh?"  
  
She shrugged. "Bobby mentioned you were raving about vampires like a madman, yes."  
  
I sighed. "Claire, I dusted one near the main entrance last night, I swear."  
  
"Darien, there are no such things as vampires. It's scientifically impossible."  
  
"Not everything is science," I told her. "You don't think there's an inkling of a chance that the pile of dust near the front door could be vampire dust?"  
  
She stuck the needle in my arm after prepping it. "I tell you what. Bring me a sample and I'll study it."  
  
"Okay. I'll do that."  
  
And that's what I did. I found the dust pile again, and collected what remained of it into a little baggy, and ran back down to the Keep, who put it on a glass thingy under her microscope and made a noise that conveyed interest. Sort of a "hrm," sound.  
  
"Hrm? Yeah? What, hrm?"   
  
"Darien, it's dust."  
  
"Crap," I muttered. "Claire, I swear to you-"  
  
"Darien, I think maybe you should go home and get some rest."  
  
"No!" I cried. "I don't need rest. I got rest last night! After I staked that vampire that's now under your microscope!"  
  
She stared at me as if I had two heads, and then pulled out her cell phone, and dialed. "Albert, put the Official on, would you?"  
So the next thing I know, I'm sitting in my padded cell in my straight jacket, waiting for either Sirri, or Devon, or Matt or anyone to pick me up and take me home.  
  
They'd believe me. They face their share of vampires, and worse, every day.  
  
So when the door finally opened, I was lying upside-down on the couch. An older-looking woman, with blond, graying hair, and hazel eyes, a guy about my age, who kinda look like Kevin, with dark brown hair and glasses, holding a little girl with darker skin, and brown eyes stood over me.  
  
These were, in order, Buffy Summers-McMillon, Matt Giles, and his five-year-old daughter, Marie.   
  
"Darien," Buffy asked, hands on her hips. "What did you do this time?"  
  
"I staked a vampire," I replied. "Now everyone, even my insane partner, thinks I'm nuts."  
  
She smiled, understandingly. "Are there more?"  
  
"Yeah," I replied. "But I can't find 'em."  
  
Matt sighed. "was the straight jacket really necessary?"  
  
I shrugged as best I could. "My boss thought so. But he never really liked me, anyway."  
  
Marie jumped onto my stomach. "Hi!"  
  
"Hi," I replied. "Aren't you supposed to be at school?"  
  
"I have AM Kindergarten," she replied. She tilted her head to the side. "If I tickle you, could you tickle back?"  
  
"No," I said. "Which is why you shouldn't tickle me."  
  
She poked my stomach.  
  
"Marie…"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Don't."  
  
She started tickling.  
  
"MARIE!!"   
  
Buffy smirked and lifted the kid off of me. "Come on, Sweetie. You're Uncle Darien is at a disadvantage."  
  
Marie pouted. "That's the whole point."  
  
Matt dragged me to my feet and started to unhook the straight jacket. "We should come back tonight and check things out."  
  
"And bring Beth and Sirri," I said. The slayer and the warrior. They can really kick ass.   
  
"Sorry, Honey," Buffy shook her head. "Sirri's in the middle of a case, and Beth and Mercedes are working on averting another apocalypse."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "So it's just us?"  
  
"Yep," Buffy nodded. "Hey, I'm still a slayer. I still train, and I can still take out fifteen by myself. I'm not that old."  
  
"Good," Matt nodded. "Because we don't know how many we're dealing with."  
  
"We'll find out soon enough," I sighed.  
So that night, I showed up back at the Agency, and so did Matt (without Marie, of course), but Buffy got tied up with the apocalypse back in Sunnydale, so Matt brought the next best thing. Shane Gunn.   
  
Shane's an interesting guy. He's got pasty white skin, and Dark hair, like his mom, but he's got his father's attitude.  
  
"All right!" he yelled. "I'm here, let's start this party."  
  
I smirked. "Shane the Insane."  
  
"Furious D," he cried. "I heard you got a vamp problem?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah, it sucks… no pun intended. But hey, now that the three of us are here, we can handle it, right?"  
  
Matt grinned. "A few of them shouldn't be that much of a problem." He pulled out three stakes, and three crossbows. "Let's get started."  
  
We started in the basement, and found nothing. So we got into the Keep, and looked around.  
  
I checked the fridge, and found that the blood samples Claire had taken from me the other morning weren't there.  
  
"Aw, crap."  
  
"What's the sitch?" Matt asked.  
  
"The blood the Keeper took yesterday morning is gone," I told them.  
  
"Man, they're desperate," Shane commented.  
  
"It's blood, isn't it?" I thought for a moment. "And it has mercury in it. Crap! You guys remember my invisible thing?"  
  
"The thing you told us when you were drunk?" Shane asked. "Yeah, I remember."  
  
"Me, too," Matt nodded. "Wait… could your blood turn them invisible?"  
  
"God help us if it does."  
  
Invisible vampires. There's one for the grandkids.   
  
"They're not in here," I told them.  
  
"Hey, D," Shane said. "I really hate to tell you this, but you're really the only one that can fight them."  
  
He was right. I had the gland, and the spider sense, and the skills of a cat burglar. "Aw, crap."  
  
"Good luck," Matt said.  
  
"Don't tell me you guys are leaving."  
  
Matt shrugged. "What should we do?"  
  
I sighed. There really wasn't much for them to do. I had to go after the vampire quick-silvered…  
  
Wait…  
  
"How do you guys feel about invisibility?"   
So we walked through the halls of the Agency invisible. And they started bickering. Maybe this wasn't the best idea in the world.  
  
"Amazing."  
  
"Shut up, Matt."  
  
"This is incredible."  
  
"Matt, shut up."  
  
"But it's just so fascinating!"   
  
"Matt, don't make me beat you."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"I saw one," I whispered.  
  
"Really?" Matt cried. "Where?"  
  
"Shh!"   
  
"Wait!" Shane snapped. "I see it." He shot it with his crossbow, and it exploded into dust.   
  
"Spectacular!" Matt said.   
  
"Bitchin," I nodded, and unquicksilvered all three of us.   
  
"Any more?" Shane asked.  
  
I looked around. "Three or four maybe."  
  
"Let's get 'em," Matt smirked.   
  
So we ran around the Agency, chasing after invisible vampires. Of course, we didn't actually find them until the mercury in their blood wore off. Then it was clear sailing.  
  
Until we found the first of the four vamps with red instead of gold eyes, and realized that he'd gone quicksilver mad, even if he couldn't go invisible anymore.   
  
"Soul-less, quicksilver mad demon with sharp, pointy teeth," I announced.   
  
Shane nodded. "Double the evil."  
  
Matt blinked. "Double the speed of your run."  
  
So we ran really fast, and wound up locking ourselves into the Chief's office.  
  
"Does that ever happen to you?" Matt asked me. "The madness?"  
  
I nodded. "Every now and then, yeah. But it's no big."  
  
"Can I help you boys?"  
  
We turned to see the Official sitting at his desk, looking pretty peeved.   
  
Before I had a chance to respond, Shane screamed, and threw himself over the desk, and on top of my boss, stake in hand ready to plunge.   
  
"DIE YOU BLOOD-SUCKING BITCH!!"   
  
There goes my Christmas bonus.   
  
"SHANE, YA BIG IDIOT! THAT'S MY BOSS!"   
  
Shane blinked, and seemed to come to his senses. He looked down at the Official with a smirk, and turned red. "My bad."   
  
Matt sighed and rolled his eyes.  
  
Shane got up and helped the Official to his feet.   
  
"Fawkes…"  
  
"Hey, Chief. It's pretty… uh… late. Are you sure you should be here?"  
  
He glared at me, and I laughed nervously. "Come on, guys, let's go… uh… catch those angry puppies!"   
  
With that, I ran out of the office, and right into the quicksilver mad vampire. It growled.   
  
"Aw, crap."   
  
So I fought with the vampire, while Matt, Shane and Official watched. Why they didn't help is beyond me.  
  
I cursed, and sweated and bled a little, and finally staked the damned thing. It turned into dust and I sighed in relief. I leaned against the wall and slid to sit down. "Did I pass the audition?"  
  
"You have a lot of explaining to do, son," The Official bellowed.  
  
"Not now," Matt stepped in. "We have three more to kill." He marched over to me and dragged me to my feet. "Come on."  
  
So the three of us ran around the Agency more, looking for the last three vamps with the Official tailing us.  
  
"Aw, crap."  
  
"Will you stop saying that?" Shane snapped.  
  
"Aw, crap."  
  
"DARIEN!"   
  
"Sorry."   
  
We ran back down to the Keep and found the remaining three vampires looking for more blood. They looked up at me with Hungry eyes.   
  
"Aw, crap!"  
  
They wanted the mercury in my blood. They smelled it. They also smelled my slayer senses.  
  
"Slayer," one bellowed.  
  
"Invisible slayer," said another.  
  
That did it.   
  
"Slayer?" the Official asked. "What the hell does that mean?"  
  
"Hey!" I yelled. "Slayers are girls! And I am not a girl!"  
  
"So what are you?" the third vampire asked.  
  
"I'm a hunter," I replied. I thought for a moment. "Vampire Hunter D."   
  
"Bloody hell," Matt muttered.   
  
"You've met your match, Hunter," the first one said.   
  
"Y'know, I really don't think so," I replied, pulling out my stake.  
  
"Fawkes, what are you doing?" The Official asked.   
  
"Being nostalgic," I replied. I glared. "Come and get it."   
  
I found myself feeling more slayer-like than ever. I dove into them and took ten minutes to kill them. I stood proudly around the dust, giving my friends a triumphant smile, and almost immediately dropped to the floor, due to the pain in the back of my neck. I started convulsing.  
  
I'd quicksilvered too much. My tattoo was all red. 'Aw, crap.'  
  
I watched with blurry vision as the Official rushed to the fridge and grabbed a needle full of counteragent. I heard Shane yell in protest at sight of the needle, but I felt too tired to tell him to shut up.   
  
The Official rushed over to me and the world went black.   
I woke up in the counteragent chair, surrounded by Matt, Shane, the Official, Buffy and Claire.  
  
"Good morning, sleeping beauty," Buffy said.  
  
"Is it?" I asked.  
  
"Yep," Claire replied. "It's one in the morning. You've been out for an hour."  
  
I sighed and slowly sat up. "Did I hurt anybody?"  
  
"I gave you counteragent before you could," The Chief said.   
  
I glanced at Matt and Shane, who didn't look too happy.  
  
"Can we have a minute?"   
  
Claire and the Official glanced at each other, and then walked out.   
  
"I think you owe us some explanations," Matt told me.  
  
"Yeah, I do," I nodded. "When I told you the whole crazy thing wasn't a big deal, I lied."  
  
"Obviously," Shane muttered.  
  
"If I don't get those shots regularly, I go crazy, because there's too much mercury in my bloodstream."  
  
"They're bribing you with the shots, aren't they?" Matt asked.   
  
I nodded. "Yeah. I work for them, I stay sane."  
  
"Man, you're a thief," Shane said. "Just swipe the shit and leave."  
  
"No," I snapped. "I'm done with that. I'm not gonna screw up my life again."  
  
Buffy smiled. "You really like it here, don't you?"  
  
I sighed. "Yeah. I do. These people are my friends. They were Kevin's friends, too."  
  
Buffy nodded. "Come on. It's been a long night."  
  
I hopped off the chair and began to follow them out the door when Buffy stopped me.   
  
"Heard you kicked some undead ass tonight," she said. "Good to know we rubbed off on you."  
  
I smirked and we followed Matt and Shane.   
  
Buffy walked up to the Official, and held her hand out with a smile. "I'm Buffy McMillon."  
  
The Official accepted her hand with a frown. "The Official."   
  
"Darien is one of the kids I made sure didn't die back on the Hellmouth. If he gets killed now, I'm holding you responsible. Trust me when I say… you don't want that." She smiled sweetly, and walked off, Matt and Shane began to follow.   
  
I sighed and shrugged at my boss. "I'm taking the day off." With that, I walked off after Buffy, Matt, and Shane.   
Rupert Giles, who was not only a brilliant musician, but a vampire slayer watcher, and a great man, once said that "Zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubae, everything you've ever dreaded was under your bed, but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real."   
  
My buddies at the Agency… they have no idea what they're in for. 


End file.
